Back of yellow gerbera

01 Jan 2024

Happy 2023.

Here it is: 2024.

Happy 2023.

Yes yes. I know. It’s 2024. New Year and all that.
Old year gone. New year is here.
Overnight the world changing into something new.
The new day, no matter how shrouded in a hungover daze, looking different.
Apparently full of promise and possibility.

Out flash the diaries. New documents. Sheets. Planners. Bullet journals.
Goals. Dreams. Wishes. Plans. Itineraries. Lists. Timetables. Must-dos.
Resolutions. So many resolutions. Unbreakable.
And all that jazz.

Guess what. I have none of these.
Unambitiously so.
All I want to do is go back.
Look back. Step back. Walk back.
One day, one week, one month.
Possibly, one moment at a time.

I want to go back to that moment before…
To the foolishness before the wisdom.
To that step I took before the fall.
To the premonition ignored before the outcome.

I want to revisit…
All the angst before I took a decision.
The darkness before I switched on the light.
The silence before the sound.

I want to experience once again…
The calm before the storm
The storm that changed everything
The life before the death.

I want to walk back into that moment.
That moment of oblivion before serendipity hit.
That moment of indecision before the certainty
That moment of minute engineering before the loss of control

I want to stand…
On the crest of the wave before it crashes
On the start of the event before it ends
On the cusp of change before the change changes everything.

I want to slip back into the split second
Before the crash
Before the second is split.
Into the foresight before the hindsight.

But no. I am not looking back. I am not wanting to be there.
I am not yearning for the past.
I am just learning from the past.
At least I want to. To walk back. Retrace my steps. Look. And learn.
And maybe live this year differently. Lessons from 2023, walking into 2024.

Summed up beautifully in Leonard Cohen’s words in ‘Here it is
May everyone live
May everyone die
Hello, my love
And my love, goodbye
(Here it is)
(Here it is)

And so here I am… walking backwards.
To say hello. And to say goodbye.

Where are you going this year?

*Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Leonard Cohen / Sharon Robinson
Here It Is lyrics © Emi April Music Inc., Sony/atv Songs Llc